....

So today the clinic called regarding my test results, and asked me to come in later in the day. The fact they wouldnt tell me over the phone already confirmed all my suspicions.

The ultrasound couldn't even see my baby, which means i had lost it the previous night/morning. I held it together best i could in the doctors office, but soon as i reached the parking lot i couldn't stop crying. I didn't know i could get attached to something i couldn't even hold or see.

Bert, being the amazing boyfriend he is, took me to California adventures for the night in attempt to cheer me up. But every kid i saw made me tear up and envious.

I hate hate hate how angry/jealous/hateful i am towards every mother i see right now with a healthy child. And i know its terrible, but i cant help but be angry at God for taking it either.

Bert wants to wait five years to have kids, i don't think i can even wait two. i don't know how im going to get through this.